We did listen to tapes, and we did learn how to behave and act just like good little Amway distributors should, but after a while the whole thing started to leave a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I slowly realized over a period of time that we were learning how to be deceptive, and sneaky about how to approach people and prospect them. The voices on the tapes all basically said the same things, just in different ways, but justified why we were building our business the way they said to, and it held us off from quitting soon after getting started. No wonder our up-line really wanted us to listen to those tapes so much.

I remember how we were told to listen to the tapes at every opportunity. They said listen when you wake up in the morning, and when you are in the car, and some before going to bed at night. I was so sick and tired of being told what to do, and would voice it many times to my up-line. They would tell me that I wasn’t giving it time, and that I had to be more patient. They always had some argument as to why it wasn’t taking off for us.

Primarily the argument was that since we didn’t invest our own money into getting on standing order tape (a program to buy tapes produced by different diamonds in the business), we weren’t really vested in the business, and that our hearts weren’t in it. Another favorite argument was that we didn’t go to the rallies, or seminars. At that point in time we hadn’t gone to any of the rallies because they were expensive and we were already spending way too much money as it was buying products that were way over priced! Oh I really started to hate our up-line and the business.

Our up-line always pointed out to me and Jim that if we had been going to rallies and seminars all along, the key to making things work would have fallen into place sooner and that we would have gone farther faster. After a while I wanted to quit. I quit going to the Tuesday night meetings, quit listening to tapes, and quit buying products. Jim however still hung in there. Then I received a phone call from the wife of the silver direct in our up-line, and she put a heavy guilt trip on me about how I wasn’t supporting my husband’s efforts, and how I just hadn’t given it a fair chance. Somehow she got to me, and I was talked into hanging in there, and giving at least one rally a try. She said if I would just follow the "system" and fight for the business to work, that I would not regret it.

So I gathered my strength for another go around, and plunged into the business like never before. I listened to tapes, went to rallies, and seminars, and prospected anything that walked on two legs. I even defended Amway against anyone who said anything negative about it. It didn’t matter if you were my friend, or my family, I defended the business with all my might, and generally turned off everyone around me. I lost many friends over the business, and I can’t say I blame them for getting away from us. My family tried to stay supportive, and buy products from us, but I knew their patience was growing thin.

Their patience wasn’t the only patience growing thin. I became very upset with Jim, because I didn’t think he was doing all he could to build the business. He wasn’t like the men on the tapes, and he didn’t know how to approach people. I felt he wasn’t aggressive enough, and we would fight about it often. We would have even bigger fights if I tried to quit, because he felt like I wasn’t being supportive like the wives in the tapes. He thought I was being totally selfish and he started to resent me for not being the sweet little complacent wife who did as she was told. It was such an ironic situation. I resented his non-aggressive behavior, and he resented my aggressive behavior. Amway certainly was not good for our already doomed relationship.

It was often pointed out while in our meetings, that everyone in Amway loved one another, and that we were the finest most honest group of people in the world. At meetings women often left their fur coats, and purses unattended, because everyone was so sure they were amongst people with high integrity. After a long time, I finally gave in to that "family" mentality, and accepted that Amway was the best thing that could have happened to us, and that we would spend the rest of our lives as distributors and build a fantastic business.

While I was in the hospital, everyone in our up-line came to visit, and offer support or help of one kind or another. I had flowers and cards, and gifts for the baby, and we were all just one big happy family, or so it seemed. A few weeks after the baby had come, we started to go to rallies again. I would bring my daughter with us, because I couldn’t bear to leave her behind. Some of the seminars we went to were quite big, and the crowds of people were immense. Even in these large of gatherings, women left their furs and purses unattended. It was really amazing.

The trip was going to be costly, and I didn’t have a baby sitter. Our up-line had discouraged me from bringing the baby on this trip, telling me that it would be too hard on me and the baby. The drive was a very long drive and I knew it would be tough. I wanted to go to the rally, but didn’t want to leave my daughter behind. Janet, the direct’s wife in our up-line talked me into leaving my baby with her 17 year old daughter. She said that her daughter worked for a daycare center and was excellent with babies. I really didn’t have good feelings about that at all, but Jim said he thought it would be just fine, and not to worry. Everyone was vouching for how wonderful this girl was, and that I wouldn’t have a thing to worry about, that she was responsible and very mature for her age.

I gave in, and left my daughter behind, and went to North Carolina for the dream weekend. It turned out to be more like nightmare weekend, and I will never forget how truly awful the experience was. I am damn lucky to be alive to tell you about it today.

• Read on to part 3.
• Go back to Russell's Amway page.